... Would you look at this place... I should make some changes...

Well... hello, there

I just took a look at this place, and it looks awful. 

So, I'll begin to clean up this place a little bit and start adding more (something I should have done sooner, I'll admit). 

The background images for some of the gadgets I had are gone, for some reason, and I'm sure I'll find similar stuff if I go through some of my oldest posts here. Anyways, I'm back... more or less.

So, what have I been doing? 

I've been quite busy, what with the change of major and and getting a part-time job.

Some confessions I would like to make?

Well, I am not proud to say I've hit some of my lowest points in the past months. I got depressed, and I did not even realized it until it started interfering with my life, my performance, and I got remitted to a doctor who then sent me to the psychologist/psychiatrist and diagnosed me with depression and some other things. It was hell. 

All that time I never told my family (just a couple of friends, though never the entire picture), and I had to pretend everything was fine even when I felt like everything was falling apart and the world was crumbling before my eyes. More than once I had breakdowns after I came from work, because I had to remain strong while doing my job, but once I came home and closed the doors, and saw no one was at my house I just broke down in hysterics. My panic levels would go soaring high to the sky, and only after I felt emotionally empty did I realize I had just had another episode. 

Has it gotten better? 

I would love to say yes. I would love to say I have been great, better than I had been before all this happened... But I can't. While it certainly has improved, and such episodes haven't appeared in a while, I am afraid it's still there. I feel good, better than the previous months, I am not going to deny that, but it certainly does not feel as if I'm back to my previous self. You know, the one before all this madness began. I don't even know how it started, I only realized once everything went out of control. 

Why am I saying this?

I guess for some sort of closure. My family it's really spiritual, in the religious sense. They know this feeling, they had been there too, but I don't believe they had to depend on pills to continue with their days. They never said anything about going to the doctor to talk about it, they managed to deal with it themselves, and get out of that place by their own. It made me feel useless and pathetic until I realized everyone is different. I do not have the same level of spirituality they seem to possess, nor do I know if I ever will. Maybe, who knows.

Some of the things they say hurt me sometimes, I am not sure if they are aware of it. I always made sure to not show that many emotion when it comes to that (maybe one of the many reasons I got into this mess, probably), but I cannot deny I was screaming inside my head about certain things. 

My vision of the world is different from theirs, but some of their comments affected me personally, so I had to remain indifferent and just continue with my business. 

... I still wonder if I'll ever tell them.

¡Lo hice...!

¿... Se acuerdan de ésta entrada, especialmente el punto número tres, donde yo mencioné la canción de Chayanne, que cada vez que la escuchaba me recordaba a la pareja de Junjou Egoist?

Bueno, sea de si se acuerdan o no; no pude evitar resistirme, por lo que de tanto en tanto me ponía a trabajar en eso, pero cómo el máldito del Sony Vegas nunca quizo cooperar, y se me jodió la computadora antigua, y con el nuevo inicio escolar a la vuelta de la esquina, no me quería arriesgar en volver a arruinar mi nueva computadora, por lo que empezé el proyecto en la computadora de mi mamá... sin ella saberlo claro está, por que de ser así (ella conociendo el hecho para que usaba su computadora cuando no estaba cerca) me mataba... y no, no estoy exagerando.

Pero estaba seleccionando las partes que me parecian más conveniente para la historia, pero cuando lo estaba haciendo, fue precisamente unas semanitas antes de irme a Cancún; para cuando llegué de mis vacaciones, es más, aun estaba en ellas cuando mi Mamá me sale con el cuento que me iba de viaje... otra vez, en esta ocasion a otra parte del globo para reunirme con mi Papá.

A todo esto, el proyecto estaba guardado en mi memoria; uno: porque alli estaba la canción, dos: porque alli tambien estaba el anime de Junjou Romantica. Así que en teoria, el proyecto andaba conmigo para todas partes, porque yo de mí USB casi nunca me separo. 

En los escasos días que iba a quedarme en casa intenté trabajar en el, pero lo encontré un tanto imposible, por lo que cuando vine de mi segundo viaje, me puse manos a la obra. Y lo termine hace unos cuantos dias, El video ya está en mi cuenta de Youtube; sí, tengo una cuenta ahi. Así que aqui esta el video:

Se que esta un poco... soso, pero recordad que esto fue hecho con Windows Movie Maker, nunca había hecho uno, me sacó canas verdes, en especial por este detalle:

(Pinchar la imagen para hacerla más grande)

Hubieron momentos en los que el segmento del video aparecía negro, por lo que me encontraba cerrando y abriendo el programa a cada rato.

Aunque de todas las excusas presentadas, la de que fue hecho con el Movie Maker es una de las más estúpidas, porque existen videos grandiosos hechos con Movie Maker, y eso me consta, acabo de ver uno en youtube y realmente esta genial.

Por lo que ésta es mi aventura con el Windows Movie Maker, a ver cuando hago otro... tengo otro anime y canción en mente wuajajajaja....

Saludos a Ruku-sama