... Would you look at this place... I should make some changes...

Well... hello, there

I just took a look at this place, and it looks awful. 

So, I'll begin to clean up this place a little bit and start adding more (something I should have done sooner, I'll admit). 

The background images for some of the gadgets I had are gone, for some reason, and I'm sure I'll find similar stuff if I go through some of my oldest posts here. Anyways, I'm back... more or less.

So, what have I been doing? 

I've been quite busy, what with the change of major and and getting a part-time job.

Some confessions I would like to make?

Well, I am not proud to say I've hit some of my lowest points in the past months. I got depressed, and I did not even realized it until it started interfering with my life, my performance, and I got remitted to a doctor who then sent me to the psychologist/psychiatrist and diagnosed me with depression and some other things. It was hell. 

All that time I never told my family (just a couple of friends, though never the entire picture), and I had to pretend everything was fine even when I felt like everything was falling apart and the world was crumbling before my eyes. More than once I had breakdowns after I came from work, because I had to remain strong while doing my job, but once I came home and closed the doors, and saw no one was at my house I just broke down in hysterics. My panic levels would go soaring high to the sky, and only after I felt emotionally empty did I realize I had just had another episode. 

Has it gotten better? 

I would love to say yes. I would love to say I have been great, better than I had been before all this happened... But I can't. While it certainly has improved, and such episodes haven't appeared in a while, I am afraid it's still there. I feel good, better than the previous months, I am not going to deny that, but it certainly does not feel as if I'm back to my previous self. You know, the one before all this madness began. I don't even know how it started, I only realized once everything went out of control. 

Why am I saying this?

I guess for some sort of closure. My family it's really spiritual, in the religious sense. They know this feeling, they had been there too, but I don't believe they had to depend on pills to continue with their days. They never said anything about going to the doctor to talk about it, they managed to deal with it themselves, and get out of that place by their own. It made me feel useless and pathetic until I realized everyone is different. I do not have the same level of spirituality they seem to possess, nor do I know if I ever will. Maybe, who knows.

Some of the things they say hurt me sometimes, I am not sure if they are aware of it. I always made sure to not show that many emotion when it comes to that (maybe one of the many reasons I got into this mess, probably), but I cannot deny I was screaming inside my head about certain things. 

My vision of the world is different from theirs, but some of their comments affected me personally, so I had to remain indifferent and just continue with my business. 

... I still wonder if I'll ever tell them.

November is here~

Which can only mean one thing, right?

Yes!!! You guessed right! NaNoWriMo

So yeah, I'm taking part of this craziness once more. I mean, while I can certainly say I shouldn't do so because I literally don't have time, and the little time I do have free could be invested more... ah, differently than attempting to write +50k novel/story in one month.

Nevertheless, it's my way of coping with things. I do seem to have a bit of a problem, though, last yer I made some research about certain elements I wanted to include in my world, however, this year I've done nothing about it. So you can say I'm going blindly here.

The theme? Well, the genre it's still Fantasy, because that's the only thing I'm more or less good at (that, and the fact I'm not sure what else to call it...) 

Anyways, back to the point, I actually had this idea for a while now (or at least ever since I started developing the plot of the main story of last year's NaNoWriMo), and since I wanted to do it I said "heck, I might was well try and see what comes out of it."

 For some reason, though, I seem to get more and more ideas, besides the "official ones" (which reminds me, I really, like, seriously, need to update that list...)

So yup, I'm doing this year's NaNo without haven't done my research. I'll just do it as I go along. Which is easier said than done, I can assure you that. I still have a lot of crap from the things I read last year. I am not throwing them away because, I swear that storyline has a life of its own. I ended the month with a little bit more of the 50,000 words required (not quite finished, but I did meet the goal). Now, almost a year later, that thing has nearly 75,000 from all the additions and whatnot I've done to it. That's great and all, but the more I add to it, the further away I get from actually finishing the novel/story

 Funny thing is, it was never meant to grow like that. I had just considered it as "a series of connected oneshots", to explain certain events in my "main" story that were either too complicated or did not fit to be said there. Plus, I had it considered as some sort of reference point, in case I got a little too —ahem— sidetracked in the main plot. 

Yes, you can all tell me how much it worked now. Once I get into my head I need to wrap it up, and actually finish it instead of adding more and more every single time I tried editing it, I might as well say what's about, put is somewhere (like Wattpad), so people can give me their output, so I can see if it's a good idea, or how cliche it is and go back and make it more original.

But for now? For now it'll remain as anonymous and mysterious as I allow it to be (I do ramble about it every now and then, since "hey, it's my baby!!!" (besides my cat, but don't tell him I said that...)).

Wish me luck! Not only I'm committing myself to write +50k words in a month, but I also have to deal with having a part-time job, and being a full-time student with Spartan-like professors. 

I'll come back complaining how horrible things are going, okay?

Cheers~

Crafts... not really...

I really want to say I've been using my "free" time wisely or some other crap like that; but I haven't.

I wanted to take some summer classes during this summer, to get it out of my back and move on with the rest of my academic life; and after Fall 2013 fiasco, and my utterly lack of time during Spring 2014, I felt the need to, oh, I don't know, make up the classes I didn't take during this spring. Nevertheless apparently Fate had other plans for me. Not that I am one to complain, honestly; though I do have some mixed feelings about it. 

So, let's work around today's title... Well, I've been trying to work around some materials, only to give up half way through, or even before I actually start anything.

It was bothersome; the whole "let's see what I have here, and see what I can do with it" was not going well, not exactly. I mean, it was during that time I realized the amount of crap I have stored within the years. I'm pretty much sure I'll continue making my stash even larger, but meh...

All right, let's move on with the topic at hand.

First on the list: Cross Stitch

I had wanted to create something anime-related; but I didn't want it to be extremely detailed. So I decided to create some sort of bookmark since I already had one of those pre-cut, pre-made ones you can see at Walmart.

 Since I didn't have the grid for it, and was not going to spend who knows how many paper doing it, I created one on Excel, kind of simple, but it works.

My theme? Well, as you can see, it's Fullmetal Alchemist.

At the beginning I was between adding Alfonse in it or not, but I could not find a way to do so (plus, I didn't have the thread colour for it.)

See? Here is the "final" design of the bookmark. Of course, whoever cut this didn't do it uniformly, so I found myself doing some modifications as I went along. 

 Mainly the letters though, since they were the main issue here. But then, I realized I had a huuuge space between "Fullmetal Alchemist" and the rest of the bookmark. And since this couldn't get any worse, I just put the crown and the wings there.


The result? Take a look.

I'm still unsure whether or not this count as a "win" or "epic fail."

I kinda like it, though, but maybe next time I'll cut the Aida cloth myself, because that border looks stupid.

By the way, feel free to use the "pattern", even when I know how dreadful it looks, just give me proper credit.

Second on the list: Origami

I saw this amazing modular pattern online, so I decided to just start doing those silly triangles used for most of the modular origami patterns out there. The result? I now have countless of them, but not the mood to do anything.

The problem is that I just keep on making them. I mean, probably one day they are going to be useful for something. Nonetheless, because making those triangles require little to no thinking effort, I find myself grabbing one piece of paper and just folding it and making even more... all this because I was bored. It was like my mind said "You know what? Forget this, I am bored... let's do more triangles! Oh, how I love making them, they keep me entertained for a while..." 

Even when I have the main distraction called Internet, I still get bored. I have literally lost count of how many of those suckers I have done, since I have another bunch in my room. 

And since I lost interest in that pattern I wanted to do (because it takes forever to get the amount you need), I decided to stick with the normal kind. You know, the one you don't have to attach that many pieces. 

The result? Boxes. Yup, that's what I decided to do: boxes. And some lotus flowers as well, but I have yet to do one. 

Tutorial here

Look easy to do, right? Well, well, they are, actually. The only problem is when doing some sort of "fold" for the base of the box, and the top of the lid. That step is a pain; but after a while, it kind of clicks together, and it finally closes. Of course, not before cursing your ancestors, because you have no idea how to fold it without tearing something apart. 

Third on the list: Tatting

Have I mentioned it before? I don't remember. Either way, I found out this technique by accident during one of my many adventures in Ravelry. Curious, I decided to look it up, and after looking at some of the designs, I decided I wanted to give it a try. 

The first step, was, of course, trying to figure it out where on earth I could get a tatting needle/shuttle. After realizing this art was pretty much dead and few people actually attempted it. I decided to look it up online. At the end, I got a nice set of tatting needles and two tatting shuttles from Walmart. I was ecstatic when I got the notification they had finally arrived at the store. 

The second step involved of me trying to find a nice, easy pattern (after watching several videos on youtube about how-to-start and whatnot). I found a nice flower pattern with clear instructions (and pictures!!!)

But, ehem, because I am rather new to this whole thing, I might have messed up some of the instructions... After that, I tried making a bookmark, but I didn't leave enough thread at the end, so I ran out of it before I could finish the project. And I was so darn close!!! 

So yeah, I am still trying with the needle. Somehow, I find it easier to work with than the tatting shuttle. Maybe because I've grown used to their knitting and crocheting relatives. 

I mean, seriously. Just take a look at both of them:

Shuttle from here     and     Needle from here

How, just how do people make such astounding crafts with tatting shuttles?! I demand an answer!

Fourth on the list: Puzzle

Okay, fine; it might not be "crafty", but hey, why not add it as well? Besides, I did add the words "not really" in the tittle of this thread...

I was visiting some relatives, and my younger cousins had a 550 pieces puzzle someone gave them and that they never actually attempted on finishing. Since there was little to nothing else to do, we decided to do it. 

As we were doing it, it turned out they might have lost one or two pieces because we were unable to find some of the border pieces. Since we couldn't "close it", we went ahead and started filling it in. Well, more or less. My cousin started piecing something that might as well be located somewhere in the middle. 

The end result?

Tachan~

Turns out, my cousin was doing the big bird that is perched in the tree.

Overall, about 30 pieces (give or take) were missing; which means we had about a 95% of the puzzle completed.

 

I feel sad, though, I was unable to finish the lion (TT^TT).